yup

I’m 22 and I have no idea what do I want to do in the future. No jokes, I’m serious.
Couple of days ago my mom asked me : What are your plans for  the future? What would you like to study, where would you like to live?
And guess what, I couldn’t answer even a single question. Is it because I live in this day or is it cause I’m stucked in the teenager life or should I say feelings?

Well, I don’t live with my parents ( in fact my parents live far far away-  I’m in France and they’re in Lithuania), I’m living on my own. But why, oh why I have zero carier goals? I mean, at this age of mine, I’m suppose to know what kind of studies would be interesting for me or what’s the job of my dreams.

But here I am, realistic enough to understand that I am no good as a singer , actress or writer. I even can understand that I probably havo no chances to become a good journalist, here in France. My accent won’t disappear and I’ll always be somebody from abroad.

They tought us at school that you have o ask questions, so I did. What do you like? What’s interesting for you?
And huh, answers are not helping a lot. I love books, reading is one of my favorite things. Everybody knows it. But what can I do with it? Study literature? And then what? Work in a library? I have some doubts about it… Don’t get me wrong, it’s probably, a nice job, but not for me. I want something creative but still, hm, I guess the right word would be realistic.
Commercials, publishing. Sounds amazing, but… I have no money for those private schools.
And then again, am I crazy? Studying in french will be extra difficult for me… but well, it’s possible, isn’t it? It’s just a language what you can learn, right?

tik tiek

Ech, pagaliau, sakau, kad štai ir vėl, be sąžinės graužaties galiu skaityti knygas- lietuviškas ar angliškas, svarbu, kad tas, kurių trokšta širdis.

O šiandien labai norisi patingėti ir kambarį susitvarkyti. Sudėlioti viską į lentynas ir stalčiukus. Gerti arbatą, graužti sausainius.

Tiesa, vis dažniau pastebiu, kaip šiems namams trūksta vyriškos rankos- vis kas nors sugriūva, lūžta ar stringa...

Help!

Oh summer! And that means holidays! Yes1 I already had mine. In july, not august, as usual.
It was really great: meeting my friends, visiting our beautiful Nida, spending time with my lovely family. I really had an amazing time! :)

Now I'm back to Paris, still having couple of free days which I'm suppose to use for studying. BUT there's a problem: I just CAN'T force myself to study!!! Seriously, even now I'm suppose to be studying...
To be honest, I was thinking about new blog post for a while and had no inspiration at all, but at moment when I opened my french text book... BAM! He I am writing a new post!!!

Really, guys, I have a problem!!! I can't concentrate and it drives me crazy!

Please, please, if you are reading this, I need your piece of advice- HOW to concentrate and make some productive studying?

Test's date comes closer and closer and it just freaks me out...

My fete de la musique

So, there was that "Fete de la musique " on friday in Paris and I was hoping that I will have something to write about.
But all I have to say is... I think music day in Klaipeda or Vilnius is more interesting and even more exciting.
Of course it was really nice to spend evening with couple of friends, meet some new ones but the city was way too crowded. Yes, yes, it's Paris and it's huge, and it's summer so lots of tourists and so on and so on. I understand. Or maybe it's because we had no plan at all, but somehow I missed that day then you can sit somewhere with your friends, talk, eat, drink, chill and just listen to new good ( or bad) music.
Anyway, we walked a lot and it was funny to see those teenagers with drinks ( I guess, it's same in all the countries :D ) who pretend to be  grown ups.  I really liked some drum band. They were really energetic and the music makes you wanna dance!

However, I finished my day with a huge headache. Plus, next day I heard that there was Franz Ferdinand playing in Paris for free and I can't believe that I missed that chance to see them!!! But there's a good thing as well: Cyril was checking when's the next time they're playing here and he showed me some really cool bands which I never heard before. Definitely gonna check them!

you'll never guess.

I've been procrastinating ALL day long.

I procrastinated so much that I even managed to forget what am I procrastinating from. 

At first it was all about cleaning my room ( I had more tea breaks than actual cleaning), then- trying to clean my closet and sort which things I want to give away and which ones I would like to sell or keep to myself. But then! I decided to watch some episodes of "Friends" and guess what?! Yes, my closet thing is still not done!

What's next? Fells like I'm procrastinating from procrastination. I mean, come on! Who can procrastinate from writing a post about procrastinating? Bingo! It's me!!!!

How? Oh, that's easy, my friends, I just started to read my old posts. Seems like I was kinda optimistic one :)

And NOW I have to say "hello" to Cyril, since I've been listening to his guitar while writing this post :)

Well, I guess it's time to find out some new ways of procrastinating.

ways and ways of talking

To be honest, I have no idea what happened to me and why on Earth I started to write my blog posts in english. I guess sometimes it's just easier to express myself this way. Which, I must admit, is extremely crazy since I've never been very good at english language. Plus, I'm that kind of person who thinks that it is very and I'll repeat- VERY important to be able to write properly in your native ( or should I say mother) language.
Anyway, this thing is gonna be mixed a little bit : some posts in english, some in lithuanian. There's no proper explanation and I accept it!

So, why did I got here again, you may ask.
Well, I kinda got "kicked in the ass" by other people's life choices and success. I mean there's no jealousy or something like that, just that  it makes me think of :"And what are you, Marija, doing right now for ( let's say) your future? Or what could you do?", which brings us to my:

Firstly. If I want to be good at writing, I should practise more, right? And WHERE else I could find a better place than my own blog? Since I still hope that there's some ( even if it's veeeery little) audience here. No, no! That just sounds super wrong. My readers are VERY important for me and I really like my blog. Have no idea why, but I like it. I always thought that blog writers MUST have stories to tell and I believe that I do have something to tell you. Just that most of the time it scares me to get too personal, so I rather choose not to be personal at all and just mumble about well, things or let's call it nothing. That should change! Maybe you have some questions to ask, that would help me a lot :)

Secondly would be... You girl really need to work on your french. Uhhh, I know, I know, said it so many times to myself.  Well, I can speak. Not with a perfect grammar ( ha! there's no grammar at all), but I can follow a conversation. This time I need to read and write in french. I need to prepare for the language test which is coming so SOON!!! The problem is that it's super difficult to start to read. I have to look every second word in the dictionary and it's driving me crazy and, well, unmotivated.

Would it be thirdly? Honestly, I don't know. I guess it's enough to concentrate on those two things right now. Not that it'll be super easy, huh?

Bank story

All this thing happened at the bank to me today.

We got in, and had to wait for a while, since there was a lady talking in front of us. And, well, since she was talking non-stop, I've got a closer look at her. 

Lady was about 50 years old, wearing flip flops and green nail polish, big super blue hat with a huge butterfly in front of it, also big orange and plastic earrings and very colourful scarf. To sum up, her look was something "wow", i mean, come on, she obviously just loves colours, right?

So, my friend and I are waiting, when suddenly the woman who works there comes closer to us and asks if we have a meeting here with somebody. As long as my friend is french, he explains all my story to the bank-lady: why I'm here and what do I need.

She smiles and says : 

- Awwww, she's shy this girl, isn't she?

Smile back and I answer that I actually don't speak french so well.

- That's cute, - says bank- lady.

Then the colourful lady turns to me and asks if I can understand french. Yup, I can. To be honest, I can understand more than I can say.  The lady just drops it:

- Good. Plus your beautiful. 

Bank- lady agrees, I say "thank you" and it starts. They talk and talk about me. 

Colourful lady:

- Seriously, just look at her nose! It's super cute! And so small. Do you think she can use a napkin, I mean it's so small i could eat it.

I've NEVER blushed and laughed at the exactly same time SO much. By the end of their conversation I even forgot WHY I came here in the first place.

So, why I'm telling this story? Come on! How often it could happen in the BANK, right? :) Isn't it suppose to be a very serious place?

Grįžau

Tai lyg koks virusas. Karts nuo karto galvoje šmėkšteli koks visai neblogas blog'o įrašas, bet vos tik prisėdu prie kompiuterio ir atsidarau rašymo langą- tuščia, siaubingai nyku ir tuščia.

Kad ir dabar. Jau nežinau kiek kartų redagavau eilutes, dėliojau sakinius, kol galų gale viską ištryniau, nes skambėjo labai dirbtinai ir trafaretiškai. O juk papasakoti tikrai turiu daug. Ilgai tylėjau, tai prisikaupė :D. 

Štai, kad ir mano trumpa, vos dviejų dienų, kelionė į Amsterdamą. Beveik visą laiką lijo ir buvo gana niuroka, bet miestas man vis tiek patiko. Žmonės atrodo daug labiau atsipalaidavę ir draugiškesni. Plius tie dviračiai suteikia savotiško šarmo. 

Ir, žinoma, ten paragavau space cake'ą. Uh... Tai buvo linksmos ir visai nebe-tokios-jau-ir-linksmos valandos. Ne mano tai dalykas.

Pries savaitę man sukako 22-dvieji. Daug ir tuo pačiu dar gana mažai. Baisu ir pagalvoti, kad aš vis dar nestudijuoju. Todėl dažniausia tą mintį ir veju šalin.

Susidūriau su tokiu gana nemaloniu suvokimu. Ilgus metus trukusi draugystė baigėsi. Be kažkokio skandalo ar barnio. Tiesiog supratau, kad jau nesu to žmogaus draugė, su kuria noris pakalbėti, pamatyti ar aplankyti. 

Užaugom.

Naujas vardas

- I like your name. Catherine. Where are you from?
"Catherine? "- šmekšteli mano galvoj. "Ak, taip, aš juk pamečiau savo name tag ir dabar vadinuosi Catherine."
- Oh, thanks, i'm from Lithuania. You know, it's a small Baltic country.
Haha! Įsivaizduokit: Catherine- tipinis lietuviškas vardas :D.

Ir prasidėjo: ponia kalbėjo daug ir gana ilgai. Apie viską: jos kelionę čia, planus nukeliauti i Floridos Disnėjų, dovanas, kurias gavo, suvenyrus, kuriuos nusipirko.
Pokalbio pabaigoje tarstelėjo :
- It was nice to meet you, Catherine, see you soon.

Hm, visai šaunu vadintis svetimu vardu darbe. Mažiau asmeniškumų. Nieko čia super smagaus, kai kiekvienas, kas tik nori pliurpia "Oh, hi, Marija!", " Bonjour, Marija (taria kaip Maridža ir taip laaaaabai mane erzina)" ir t.t., ir panašiai. Taigi, taip, manau, bus ramiau :)

O ir naujieji kolegos truputį pasimeta, kai išgirsta, kaip kiti į mane kreipiasi tikruoju vardu.
 Savotiškas žaidimas.

iki,žiema.

Uch, net pačiai keista, kaip aš sugebu visai paprastus dalykus atidėlioti iki paskutinės minutės, o tada panikuoti ir panikuoti.
Pražiopsau sau pro langą, o tada pykstu pati ant savęs, kad nepadariau to, ar ano dalyko.

Šį kartą, tai prancūzų kalbos kursai. Nuvažiavau, išlaikiau testą ir ką, reikia į juos užsirašyt. Čia ir bėda- niekaip "nerandu" laiko.
Ką veikiu? Dirbu ir miegu. Ir jau visai nesuprantu, ar tai nuovargis, ar tiesiog tingumas begalinis.

Laukiu pavasario, nes tada atrodo, kad viskas bus lengviau. Švies saulutė ir visi bus žvalūs ir laimingi :)

Tiesa, dar kiek pilką, pirmą pavasario dieną man praskaidrino labai šaunus atvirukas iš Lietuvos :)
Visada labai smagu rasti atvirlaiškį. Lyg trumputis pokalbis su toli gyvenančiais draugais. O dar tas jausmas, kad tave prisimena.
Kažin, ar verta daugiau ką ir sakyti, jūs ir patys žinot.

Atostogauju

Na, ilgai, ilgai tylėjau.
Bet, štai, dabar atostogauju namie, Klaipėdoje.
Šalta, šalta, bet visai smagu. Labai malonu, kad susitikau su draugais!!!
Buvau net prie jūros! Ji - tokia, kaip man patinka, banguota, stipri ir kiek baugi.
O dar, kažkaip, spėjau ir į pasimatymą nulėkt. Netikėta, neplanuota, bet smagu. Retai mane vaikinai į pasimatymus kviečia, truputį net nerimavau. Tačiau, man patiko, o jam nežinau, nes jokių žinių dar nesulaukiau.

Šiandien jau nusipirkau lagaminą ir mintis, kad jau visai greit reikės grįžti, taip ir nusėdo...

trumpai apie senus, dra trumpiau apie naujus. metus, zinoma.

Nagi, nagi, kažkas kužda, murba, burba, šnabžda, kad metas parašyti " ak, baigėsi vieni, sveiki atvykę nauji metai" įrašą.

Taigi, ką galiu pasakyti apie 2012? Man jie buvo gana sunkūs. Taip, tikrai, jeigu kas paklaustų kokios mano asociacijos išgirdus 2012-ieji tai, hm... Na, toks jausmas lyg kas užmetė nemažą bulvių maišą man ant pečių.
Šeimos dalykai, asmeninės problemos, gausybė klaidų, ašaronių, pasimetimas, nežinojimas, ką daryti. Išvyko mano mieliausieji draugai ir man vis dar nelabai gerai sekasi socializuotis iš naujo.

Tačiau buvo ir gerų dalykų. Pakeliavau, kažko išmokau, tikiuosi įgavau daugiau išminties. Žinau, kad jau nesu tokia, kokia buvau prieš metus. Tikiu, kad taip geriau. Dar labiau vertinu tikrus draugus ir laiką, praleistą kartu su jais. Nesvarbu- kalbant, šokant, susiskambinant ar susirašant. Jie man svarbūs, labai.
Aš net naujametinį pažadą netyčią aptikau, tačiau, manau, pasilaikysiu jį sau.

Tikiuosi, kad ir jūs atsisveikinot su senaisiais metais ir esat pasiruošę naujiems :)